Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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