Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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