Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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