I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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