FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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