no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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