No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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