yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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