I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize