just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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