I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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