One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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