So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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