oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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