oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize