you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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