Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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