i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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