"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
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A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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