went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is my gift to your gina
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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