I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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