I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I currently don't understand fingers.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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