trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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