So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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