i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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