oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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