oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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