I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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