Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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