i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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