Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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