You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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