So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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