I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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