I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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