Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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