i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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