Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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