It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize