Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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