You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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