So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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