He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I love you.
Bad choice
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