I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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