I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize