Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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