Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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