in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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