Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
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Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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