I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
someone threw a dead crab at me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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